If I Lost It
by E. Limberg
Summary: Mac and Stella become engaged, but can she survive a car crash that night? MacStella
1. Differences

**If I Lost It**

A/N: This is my first fanfic. I hope you like it. Read and review please.

**  
Chapter 1: Differences**

"Stella," a familiar voice calls from behind. Detective Stella Bonasera turns around to find her boss, Detective Mac Taylor, beckoning for her. She walks back to him, "Hey, Mac."

"I'll pick you up at seven for dinner, okay? Where do you want to go?" he asks his long-time friend and partner.

"It doesn't matter to me," she replies, giving him a sly smile. After quickly looking around the lab to make sure no one was watching them, Stella gives Mac a kiss on the cheek. "See you later," she calls over her shoulder as she continues on the way to get the DNA test results that could wrap up her case from the technician.

"Mac, you have something on your cheek," Danny Messer, another investigator who just happened to see Stella kiss Mac, said, smirking. Mac jumped, surprised to see Danny standing next to him, and his face started to turn pink.

"How long have you been standing there?" Mac questions.

"Long enough to know you and Bonasera have date tonight, and pretty soon the rest of the lab will know too," Danny replies, quickly walking away to tell Lindsay Monroe, Sheldon Hawkes, and Detective Don Flack the exciting news.

"Danny…Danny," Mac calls, but Danny has already made up his mind and isn't going to let Mac forget it.

"Hey, Stella, did you get the results?" Sheldon asks.

"Yes, the DNA matched. Case closed," she replies. "I'm going home to get some sleep now that we've got the guy."

Hawkes, trying not to laugh at Stella, calls, "Have fun on your date tonight with Mac."

Stella turns on her heel, "How do you know about that?"

"Danny has told the whole lab you kissed Mac and said to keep it from you, but I couldn't resist," Sheldon answers her question.

"Do me a favor, please. If you see him, punch for me," she smiles.

"Bye, and I do hope you have a good time, even if Danny has ruined the surprise," Hawkes calls to her as she leaves her office.

"Stella, you look beautiful," Mac exclaims, awestruck when he sees her answer the door that evening when he comes to pick her up. Although she wore something she would probably wear to work, there was just something special about the way she looked tonight.

"You look great too," Stella complements, "but you look different. What did you do?"

"Nothing. Are you ready to go?" asks Mac, holding out his hand to her.

Stella takes it, "I think so." He leads her to his car and opens the door for her to get in. "Thanks. By the way, where are we going to eat tonight?"

"That's a surprise," Mac answers, closing the door and walking around to get in next to her.

All the way to the restaurant Stella tries to figure out why Mac looks different tonight than he did any other time. She looks over at him and he glances at her with that shy, handsome smile of his that she loves. Then she spots it: his eyes are twinkling, not like they used to before Claire's death four and a little more than half years ago, but it was a start. Maybe if she was lucky she could give them a new shine. She was so busy thinking about this that she didn't notice when they arrived at the restaurant, which happened to be quite fancy.

"Stella, we're here," Mac says watching her stare out the window without moving.

"Huh?" she asks. "What are we doing here?"

"We are eating, silly, what do you think we are going to do at a restaurant?" Mac replies trying to hide his huge grin.

"You know what I mean. Why are we at this _fancy_ restaurant? I would have dressed up a little more if I had known we were coming here."

"You are special to me, Stella. And you look fine," Mac said getting out of the car with her following suit.

TBC… I'll try to update as soon as I can. I have the first few chapters written out and still have to type them.


	2. Engagement and Accident

**Chapter 2: Engagement and Accident**

"I love you, Stella," Mac says, reaching across the table to grab her hand after they had finished eating.

"I love you too, Mac," Stella smiles at him, and it was the look in her eyes that gave him his confidence.

Mac cleared his throat, "Stella, you have been a great friend and partner ever since I met you. You gave me strength through Claire's death. Lately we have become more than friends, sharing love for one another. At first, I felt that I was betraying Claire by loving you. I didn't want to hurt you if something happened between us, because then not only would our relationship be gone, but also our friendship. Being partners we can not afford to lose our friendship and trust in each other." Stella keeps quiet, which is a change for her, and listens carefully, enchanted by his words. "I can't live without you, Stella. I don't think I can bare the thought of not having you in my life. Let me love you, Stella," Mac says, and he sees tears in Stella's eyes. She tries to hold them back, but it is no use; they fall anyway.

Mac gets up and walks around the table. To Stella's surprise, he gets down on one knee and reaches in his pocket for something. He pulls out a small box, and opens it. "Stella Bonasera, I love you like I have never loved anyone else in this world. Will you marry me?"

"Yes, Mac, of course I will marry you. I have always loved you and always will," Stella replies, tears now pouring from her eyes. Mac gently takes her hand and places the ring on her finger. They both stand up and hug. He kisses her lips passionately while the people around them applaud for the now engaged couple.

"Mac, stay with me tonight; don't leave me when we get back to my apartment. I never want you to leave me again," Stella told him, smiling as he slowed down before a red light.

The light changes, and Mac accelerates, "I will never leave you, Stella." He thinks to himself that he will give her anything and everything she wants, but doesn't know that he already has.

All of sudden a car comes speeding through the light and crashes into the side of Mac's car where Stella is sitting. Mac quickly turns to look at Stella to make sure she is all right, but her right side is bleeding badly. Her arm is also bent awkwardly, and he assumes it is broken. "Stella," he calls to her, trying not to panic when she doesn't reply. "Stel, are you alright?" Not caring about the other driver, he carefully unbuckles her, and then slides her limp body closer to him. Mac checks for a pulse and is relieved to find one in her neck. He starts to apply pressure to her wound that looks to be about five inches long and pulls out his cell phone.

"Flack, this is Taylor. Stella's injured. I was in a car crash. Some guy went speeding through a red light. I don't' know whether he is okay."

"I'll get rescue on the way. I'm heading out the door right now. Stella is tough; she'll make it through this," Flack tries to calm Mac. "I'll see you in five minutes," and they both hang up.

"Stay here, Stella. I can't lose you too. You'll get through this; don't give up," Mac pleads with her.

"I … love you, Mac," Stella stutters, and Mac is slightly surprised to hear her speak.

"I love you too; don't leave me, Stel," Mac says again. She can just barely make out the fear in his eyes as she reaches out to touch his face. She can feel tears falling down his face and knows that he is crying. He kisses her forehead as he hears sirens wailing in the distance.

More chapters to come soon! Please review.


	3. Questions

**Chapter 3: Questions**

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Mac asks as Stella's eyes flutter open. She tries to reach out to him, but her arm is too heavy.

"Mac, I can't lift my arm," she tells him with panic in her voice as she uses the other arm to sit up in the hospital bed.

"Your arm is broken, so you have a cast on-"

"Ouch," she screams feeling a burning pain in her side.

"-and a nasty cut on your side," he finishes.

"What happened to the other driver?'" Stella asks.

Mac replies, "He was driving drunk and that cost his life and almost yours. I'm sorry I hurt you; this is my fault."

"Mac, it is not your fault; you were not the one driving drunk and speeding through red lights," Stella says, determined not to let him blame himself for this, even if it was his fault, which it wasn't'. After sitting silently for a few moments Stella asks, "How are you feeling?"

"Better, now that I know for sure that you're okay," he answers, reaching for a marker on her bed stand. "Can I sign?" Mac asks, gesturing to her arm. Stella holds her arm out to him, but is not sure she can keep it there. He takes it, to her relief, and writes 'Get well soon. Sorry. Stay with me forever. (heart) Mac.' As he finishes Lindsay, Danny, Flack, and Hawkes walk in to visit Stella.

"Here, Stella, we all bought you some flowers," Flack says, placing the bouquet on the bed stand.

"Stel, can I sign your cast?" Danny asks and starts writing without waiting for an answer.

"Are you feeling okay?" Sheldon asks.

"How do you think I feel with a broken arm and humongous cut on my side?" Stella retorts, smiling. Sheldon and Flack then sign, and Stella glances toward Lindsay, who had been silent the whole time.

Lindsay points to Stella's hand with a quizzical look on her face. Stella gives her back a look of confusion. "Congratulations. You're engaged. To who?" Lindsay bursts out. Flack, Danny, and Hawkes all look down at Stella's ring. Mac smiles at Stella mischievously and only Lindsay notices. "You and Mac?" she asks when Stella doesn't reply.

"Has to be. She kissed him yesterday," Danny reminds them.

"And she had a date with him," Sheldon inputs.

Flack says, "Yeah, she was in Mac's car during the crash."

"Yes, we are engaged. I asked her to marry me last night," Mac tells them, reaching out to grab Stella's hand.

"Congrats. When is the wedding?" Hawkes asks.

"We haven't really talked about that yet," Stella says, shifting around in the bed to find a comfortable spot.

"I always new you two would be together," Danny smiles down at the happy couple.

"Why's that?"

"You should have seen them after… after Claire passed away. Stella was always there for him, to comfort him, to make him eat, to make him try to sleep, to love him. And slowly Mac seemed to get over Claire, with her help, and began to love her."

"How long have you two been going out without telling us?" Flack asks.

"About six months. You mean none of you caught on?" Stella asks a bit surprised.

"Yeah, I guess you are a lousy group of detectives if you didn't notice anything between us before now," Mac chimes in.

"Actually there were a few times where you guys looked like more than friends."

"Are you guys going to have kids?" Sheldon wonders aloud.

Mac shrugs and Stella smiles. "I think it is times for you to leave now. You're getting a bit too personal." Everyone seems to agree, and all but Mac leave the hospital after telling her to get better and that they will come visit her again soon.

"Stel, you need to get some rest," Mac told her getting up to stretch his legs after sitting beside her for so long.

"So do you," she replies.

"I'm not going to leave you here alone. I am getting kind of hungry though. Would you like anything?" Mac asks her. Stella shakes her head in reply.

As Mac leaves to get something to eat, Stella wonders aloud, "When do I get to leave this place?" She has never been too fond of hospitals.

"Two or three days," Mac replies, stealing one last look at her before closing the door.

"You need anything?" Mac asks Stella before climbing into the bed beside her.

"No," she says thinking about what the rest of the group had said the first time they came to visit her at the hospital. Mac stares at her and after a few moments, she notices him. "What?"

"What have you got on your mind that you are not any paying attention to me at all? I could hold a gun to the back of your head, and you wouldn't notice," Mac states putting his arm around her shoulder.

"Just some of the questions the guys asked us a few days ago," she replies, still in a trance.

"Like what?" Mac prods further.

"When are you getting married? Do you want to have a family? Other stuff?" Stella says, putting her head on his shoulder.

"December or January; when do you want to get married?" Mac says. "And yes I would like to have family someday if you want to. Actually, Claire was about a month pregnant when… when the towers fell."

"Really? I'm sorry, Mac," Stella says quietly in thought. "December sounds good to me," she yawns loudly.

"Go to sleep, Stel, we have a while to discuss all this," he says and turns out the light.

"I love you, Mac," Stella says before she falls into a deep sleep.

"I love you too, Stella," Mac snuggles into her warm body, careful not to hurt her and is soon fast asleep as well.


	4. Family

A/N: This takes place about five months after the previous chapters.

**Chapter 4: Family**

"Hey, Mac, let's go for a walk. I have something to tell you," Stella says as they finish their shift. They walk around for a while with the hot August sun beating down on them and end up under their favorite tree in Central Park before Stella tries to tell Mac the news.

After she stumbles over her words, which is very uncommon for her, Mac interrupts, "Is something wrong?"

"No," she replies a little too quickly, then thinks it over. "Yes, while it's not really a bad thing but…" she trails off. Mac waits patiently for her to continue. Stella sits quietly for a few moments, thinking of how to tell him.

"You don't have to tell me now. I'm sure whatever it is can wait," he tells her gently.

"No, you have to know now. You know how you said you wanted a family someday?" Mac nods his head slowly. "Well, um… it's going to happen sooner than you expected. I'm pregnant," Stella whispers to him.

He hugs her, "Really?"

"Yes, why would I lie to you?"

"I don't know, but I wasn't expecting this."

"Oh, so you don't want kids, do you?" Stella asks mischievously.

Mac gives her a kiss on the cheek, "When is the baby due?"

"The middle of May, I think."

"You think?"

"Yes, I'm going to the doctor Tuesday. You can come if you want."

"Why wouldn't I come? It is my child too, unless you have been with someone I don't' know about," Mac grins and gets up from under the tree. He gives Stella his hand to help her up, and she punches him on the arm quiet hard for his remark. "Let's go get something to eat. I'm starving," Mac declares putting his arm around her shoulders.

I'm not sure how I'm going to end this yet. I still have a few more chapters written that I still need to type. I'll update as soon as I can.


	5. Another Injury and a Loss

**Chapter 5: Another Injury and a Loss**

Three months later Mac and Stella are standing outside an old building, shivering in the cold, November air, guns cocked in front of them, positioned to enter the building in search of a suspect. "Ready?" Mac asks looking back at Stella before kicking down the door. Mac heads upstairs while Stella searches downstairs.

She is still looking around when she hears him call, "Clear." She pushes open a half-closed door only to come face to face with the suspect. Before she can call out for help the guy raises a gun and shoots her in the stomach.

Mac hears the shot and races down the stairs to find her lying on the floor. He takes off his jacket and applies pressure to her wound while calling for help. A few minutes later an ambulance arrives, and Mac gets in with Stella. To his surprise no one tries to hold him back for questioning.

Mac sits in the waiting room while Stella is being operated on. The doctor said she will probably survive, and all Mac can do is pray while he waits. He thinks about how he can not live without her and how much he loves her. He knows he can't bear to go through what he did with Claire again.

The doctor finds Mac in the waiting room. "Your partner will be fine. She is in recovery now while we get her a room. Then you can go visit her. She will have to take it easy for a while though," the doctor tells Mac.

"Thank you for helping."

"Your welcome. There was one problem though."

"What was that?" Mac asks curiously, almost positive he knows what it is about.

"She was pregnant."

"Yes, I knew that."

"Well, she lost the baby. There was no way we could have saved it. I'm sorry," Mac nods and the doctor leaves.


	6. A Talk and a Visit

**Chapter 6: More than Friends?**

"Ow," Stella's eyes open because of a sharp pain in her stomach. "Hey, Mac," Mac was sitting next to her at the hospital for the second time in eight months.

"Feeling okay?"

"Not really. What happened? I saw the guy and then I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, next thing I know, I'm here again."

"The suspect shot you. I knew I should have stayed with you."

"Did you catch the guy?" Stella asks quietly, already sure she knows the answer.

"No. I was too worried about you. Um… I have more bad news."

"Hm?" she answers telling him to go on.

"You lost the baby."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mac. I know how much you want a family," Stella says, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"What, you didn't want to have a family?" Mac asks.

"Yes, I guess I would like to have a family yet, but we're not even married yet, Mac."

"Well, maybe it is for the best right now," Stella yawns, still very tired from the anesthesia. "You know, we only have one month left before the wedding?"

"Yes," Stella says lying her head back down on the pillow. She soon falls into a deep sleep and Mac starts to doze off just as Hawkes enters the room.

"Hey, Mac," Hawkes says waking him up, "I brought you a change of clothes."

Mac looks down at his outfit and notices for the first time it has some extra coloring on it. "Thanks," Mac mutters sleepily and enters the bathroom to change. When Mac is through changing, he finds Hawkes sitting on the bedside next to Stella, talking to her even though she is asleep.

Hawkes turns to Mac, "She looks so beautiful when she sleeps. You're lucky to have her." Mac just watches as Stella sleeps, hoping she can leave the hospital soon.

"Was she just shot in the stomach?" Hawkes asks.

"Yeah, she just has a few small cuts and bruises, but other than that and the baby she was unharmed," Mac replies, the news finally setting in, and he thinks that it probably has not set in on her yet.

"What baby!" Hawkes gives Mac a questioning look.

"Whoops. We were going to tell you guys soon. She probably couldn't have hid it much longer."

"How long?"

"About three months. Are Danny, Lindsay, and Flack coming later?" Mac asks still focused on the woman in the bed.

"They said they would come by after their shift. But you know how they are. They won't rest until they get the guy who did this to her," Hawkes gestures to Stella as Mac chuckles quietly to himself about how true that statement is. "Speaking of which, I should get back to the lab. I hope you don't mind that I left," Hawkes pauses again while Mac nods his head knowing Stella would appreciate him being there. "Does she know about the baby?"

"Yeah, I talked to her earlier before you came for a while. You can tell the rest of the team, and please _try_ to keep amongst our team only, the news if you want," Mac tells Hawkes.

"No, I'll let you tell them. I going to go now and leave you two alone," Hawkes says, then leans down to give Stella a kiss on the forehead.

"Take good care of her boss," Hawkes shakes Mac's hand as he exits and the doctor enters.

"Has she been up yet?"

"Yes, we talked for a while then she went back to sleep."

"Okay, by the looks of things she should be able to leave tomorrow. Does she have someone to stay with?" the doctor asks, then notices her ring, "Her fiancé, perhaps?"

"Yeah, she lives with me."


	7. The Big Day

**Chapter 7: The Big Day**

As he watched her walk down the aisle of the church, Mac knew he had made the right decision asking her to marry him. He just wanted to care for her, live the rest of his life with her by his side, protect her from harm, love her and be loved by her. The church looked kind of empty to him compared to when he and Claire were married. Only Mac's family, their friends, and the people they worked with were there, but that was how they wanted it. When she reaches him, they never take their eyes off one another. Both vow to 'love, comfort, honor, and keep' each other 'in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sadness and in joy', then place their rings of the other's finger. Mac gives Stella an evil look when she breaks their kiss mouthing, "Later."

"You seem awfully tense, Mac, do you not like dancing with me?" Stella asks with a mischievous grin as they dance to their song.

"No, it's just we have never really danced together much before and I don't want to mess this up considering we will end up with a million photos from everyone of us screwing up our dance," Mac said, glancing around at all the cameras flashing. "Besides, if I do, you'll never let me forget it."

"Mac, you won't mess this up, you're actually a good dancer. Just loosen up a little," Stella kisses Mac. " 'Dance like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, live like you're going to die tomorrow, and love like it's not going to hurt.' I love you, Mac."

After many dances, eating as much as they could, and a few glasses of champagne each, the happy couple starts to prepare to leave for the airport. Both Lindsay and Danny catch Stella's bouquet, and Danny gives Lindsay a long, slow kiss to everyone's surprise.

"Wow, you're a pretty good kisser, Danny," Lindsay says, still in shock. Everyone laughs knowing Danny has it bad for her.

Stella and Mac say good bye to everyone before getting into his car. "Sure you're not going to get in another accident, Mac?" Stella says just to annoy him but doesn't get a response.

"Wait a second," Flack calls out just as they start to pull away. He puts something on the back of the car, only to find an angry Stella glaring at him when he steps back to admire his sign.

"Flack, I can arrest you for this. It's illegal to put signs on the back of vehicles, and I'm sure you know it."

"Fine, I'll take it off," Flack says as she makes her way back to the passenger seat. Flack can't resist the temptation so he quickly puts the sign back on the car without either of them noticing. Everyone waves as Mac and Stella pull away to start their new life together.

Mac and Stella live happily ever after, but still have their share of arguments. After a while, they start their family with a girl, which they name Sarah. And together they continue to put away criminals and always have each others' backs. Always.

Story is over. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading


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